A tip for parents of teenagers: don't be afraid to say 'no'
A while ago my cousin and I were talking to the wife of another cousin of mine, who has two children, a boy aged 20 and a girl aged 18. We both have girls who are 12 years old, who are slowly but steadily entering a whole new phase of children's development: that of puberty and the associated physical and psychological changes and emotional challenges. So we asked our *experienced* cousin-in-law to share tips to help us 'survive' the teenage years.
We did discuss the general subjects of trust, reassurance, love and an open communication. But overall our cousin-in-law was super relaxed and matter-of-fact about puberty. She reassured us that it is mostly a super fun and interesting time! She said it would sort itself out and that we shouldn't worry about it. There wasn't any specific advice she could think of, except for one tip she thought was important to give us. She told us we shouldn't be afraid of saying 'no'.
Teenagers are busy, she explained. There is school, homework, all of the sports and cultural activities, and on top of that there is their hefty social life. It can be quite overwhelming for teenagers to participate with all the fun activities they are invited to join -- parties, events, outings, film nights, etcetera. But, because of peer pressure, it can be difficult to say no. It simply is not cool to say that you don't feel like going to the movies because you're feeling tired or simply would prefer an evening at home with your parents!
However, when you can't make it because your mother (or father) won't allow you to go, the decision is out of your hands. (Their fault!) And that can be a very nice and easy solution.
I have already thought of and used her advice a few times, and I definitely understand her point. A teenager is busy -- a lot comes their way. A forced time-out from it all every now and then can be so nice!
Also, I think it is important for children to learn that they shouldn't be afraid to 'miss out'. You simply can't do it all, and that is ok. A cosy and quiet evening at home is nice too!
Do you have teenagers? Do you have thoughts or tricks to share? I would love to hear!
xxx Esther